A Time to Grieve, A Time to Heal, A Time to Create.....!

The well has run dry, at least for the moment, and while I won't quickly forget our Max, I realize it's time to get back to my life! The house is so quiet - but it is also so clean! I spent the day of his death cleaning, cleaning, cleaning - and crying! I've stopped both, and the house is still clean! That is different!

I also started knitting again, the results of which are here. There are several projects in progress, but they are boring ones that may get completed eventually. This is a remake of Winter Splendor that sold this week on Etsy. A local friend had had her eye on it, so I made this with the remaining yarn (a luscious one I found in Prescott AZ during a recent trip). There wasn't enough, so I added another softie. It's not the same, but perhaps she will like it. It has a square ceramic button on it (can't see it in this photo) from Muddy Muse, a local button and bead-maker, also on Etsy. Other photos available on flickr.

My friend Joan invited me to attend the Knitting Guild meeting today, so I'm hoping to meet some other knitters and be inspired by their work. Despite strong sales lately, I am bored and could use a good shot in the arm for inspiration.

And now MOOSE!

They say things happens in threes!  If that's true, then this week has been the most devastating for us and those we love.  Was it not enough that we lost poor Max and Dolly?  But today our next door neighbors, who have been the most tried and true friends/neighbors we could ever hope for for the past five years, lost their beloved Moose, a 13 year old Boykin Spaniel.  I don't think I have any photos of Moose, but this is exactly what he looked like.

Moose's hair was the color any woman would have killed to have, and his fur was the softest and silkiest ever! We called them Mr. Moose and Mr. Max, and while they were not play buddies (too old and too independent for that), they always wagged their tails at one another and always sniffed all their respective parts - private or otherwise. And we used to walk them together - not so much lately, because they were getting on in age.

Our friends had no time to accept Moose's swift decline and so I am all the more saddened for them as well. Julia brought us flowers yesterday. What can I possibly do for them to ease their pain?

Is it possible that these three wonderful furry friends are gone, and gone within hours of one another? How is that even conceivable?

Max and Dolly

MAX

 3/3/97 - 9/18/08

and

DOLLY

even earlier - 9/17/08

This is a sad, sad day for the Giordanos!  Our dear sweet boy took a terrible turn for the worse very early this morning, and we knew his suffering had to end.  Yet he was able to walk into the veterinary office where he submitted calmly and gratefully to the one needle that would offer him relief.  My heart hurts.  The silence is deafening.  This pain will persist for a very long time.

We are saddened even more by having just learned that my husband's sister and her husband in France had to put down their 16 year old Coton de Tulear - pictured above with Max in 1998 -  just yesterday.  What an unrelenting irony!

I want to thank my friends (real and virtual) who somehow managed to put up with my various meltdowns in the last week, and who will probably put up with more in the ensuing days.  And to Dr. Ron Harris and staff at the Porters Neck Veterinary Clinic who cared so for Max and eased his transition and our pain as best they could.  They were wonderful!

We will recover, as we always do, from this latest adversity.  And Max is safe now.  We had two glorious days with him in good form, and so I hope to remember those rather than this last one of struggling.  He was the best!  In a few days, when I feel up to it, I will write a bit about some of Max's antics that are never to be forgotten. 

And oh yes, it's time to get back to creating - for my own sanity and distraction. So...if you're reading this, I know you care, so thank you from the bottom of my heart.  lsg

Yo-Yo-ing with Max!

MAX HAS RALLIED!

To those who have been following this chronicle of Max, he's having a GOOD Day!

Another night of wondering if he would make it through, and guess what? He has not given up the fight yet! Nor have we! Just as we have been beginning to get our heads around the idea of his imminent demise, he has got us all fooled! This spunky little guy (always was spunky, stubborn, sprightly, and spoiled - how's that for alliteration - or is that consonance?) Anyway, I digress!

After the removal of all that fluid/blood from his chest cavity, he has been able to eat and drink a little, rest quite comfortably, and use his voice! He is wagging his tail, peeing and pooping appropriately OUTSIDE, getting excited over going for a ride, and much more alert and perky today.

While I was getting dressed earlier today, I heard him barking like a maniac - his usual greeting - at the service guy who had pulled into our driveway. He was RUNNING around out there! Just now he gave my husband a kiss - on command like he always would do. This is a remarkable turnaround!

Because we can't seem to get him to take his antibiotic by mouth (this was a dog who would eat just about anything, but since his decline last week, he has shunned most everything), we called the vet to see if they could give it to him in injection form. The receptionist called back and said that they could give him one that would be effective for TWO weeks, but she said it would cost $80. I laughed out loud, saying that we were SOOOOOOOOOOOO deep into this now that $80 for two-weeks' protection was just fine!

So.......Max is not ready to throw in the towel. We are realistic about his prognosis, but for now we are content to have him back to a few of his old tricks. And we are grateful!

Max and Marley (our daughter's Cockerpoo)

Max and Bailey (our other daughter's Havanese)

Monday Update on Max!

It's been a L O N G few days, but Max prevails! So far anyway! He is one sick puppy - if you can call an 11 and a half year old a puppy! Yesterday and again this morning, we got the devastating news that he has what appears to be a large malignant tumor on his heart with some nodules on his liver and spleen. NOT GOOD! However, after draining fluid from his pericardium yesterday, he is able to breathe better, rest better, and he had a very good night.

I thought he wouldn't make it through the night, however. But in fact, he did and rebounded this morning. How do we know? He licked my spoon and oatmeal bowl when offered. He perked right up and almost ran to the door when asked if he wanted to go for a ride. I thought perhaps this could be his last ride, but not for this little guy! He sat up the whole way to the vet, looking out the window, alert and perky. When we just picked him up, he RAN into the room, wagging his tail, and making NOISES!!!! This was astonishing, for this dog that had the vocal range of a cat, a baby, and a grizzly bear combined had been absolutely silent for too many days! He sat up the whole way home, smiling, and eager to come in. Then he ate some real food, drank some water, and now has been sleeping well.





He is not long-term, and we are adjusting to that. If the fluid builds up again tonight or tomorrow or this week for that matter, we will end his journey and relieve his suffering. But the vet doesn't know - it could be two months or so! So.....we are in limbo!

So I took some photos this morning of our little guy! And I am including photos of a sculpture my husband did several years ago that so captures the essence of Max - even if it is quarter-size.

Remembering Max!

The First Photo of Max 11.5 Years Ago!

Perhaps this is premature, because Max is still with us. But on a gut level, I know his time is very short now. He hasn't eaten in more than three days, his breathing is labored, his personality and entire vocal range are gone, and I already miss the sweet friend that he was. The prognosis is poor: his heart is twice the normal size; his pericardium is filled with fluid; there's a tumor on his heart. It seems so hard to believe that he has failed so suddenly and that the slope has been so precipitous. Two weeks ago he was running around, playing with his rope and ball, up to his normal tricks. Today he is a mere shadow of his former self.

He's never been a quiet dog! PBGVs have an extraordinary range of sounds, from very deep guttural groans and grunts, to very high pitched squeals and whines. In between there's this hound-like howl, AKA bark, (after all, he IS a hound!) and what we familiarly call "talking." He would talk on command - these long howls that had us all howling every time. I joked about having him appear on Leno or Letterman, but alas, that's not our style or in the cards.

Tomorrow or Tuesday (when they can arrange for a specialist to do this procedure), the vet will aspirate fluid in the pericardium, be able to examine the fluid, and see if that relieves the pressure on his lungs and esophagus, and maybe spare him this suffering. I am very much in favor of the most humane treatment here and to NOT prolong his life in a needless, selfish way. But truly this is my husband's dog, and so that decision will have to come from him. He and Max are (or I should say, have been) so bonded that I am very worried about the outcome.

It's so quiet here and it's so very sad.

Most everyone goes through this, so most everyone can empathize. We had a cat before Max; she was 20+ when we had to put her down. That was one of the hardest things I've done in my life. This will rank the same - probably worse because Max has been such an interactive dog - NOT cuddly at all - but both dependent (on my husband) and independent at the same time. His presence (and his absence) will resonate for a very long time in our hearts and in our home. He has been such an integral part of our family for such a long time! We will always remember you, sweet boy.

Max - we will always love you!