Difficult December

I've been remiss and haven't written for far too long here.  There are reasons, none of which are truly viable excuses.  December is a very difficult time for me - despite all the years that have passed, so I guess it will always be so.  I don't want to belabor them, so let's just say there are too many death anniversaries, birthdays of those gone, and dreadful memories of those passings.  All happened in the week surrounding Christmas, so I approach December with trepidation and wish it to pass quickly to begin a new year.

This December has been no different, with the added stress of DH's hospitalization (and there were TWO other such hospitalizations in Decembers past, and one that included Christmas day itself.)  So I'm struggling this year, a little more than most.  BUT......I am trying to take good care of ME, using all the tools of the trade, and so this all will pass.  However, today is the 22nd anniversary of my Dad's very untimely passing, and on Monday, it will be the 23rd anniversary of my mother's passing.

It is also Christmas Eve!  One daughter is arriving today - YAY!!!!  We will visit the other daughter and family on Monday.  All that is good!  And what looked to be a lonely holiday is turning into a gathering!  Tonight we are entertaining friends, most of whom are Jewish (me too!) with a combo meal of chopped liver (recipe from Kate Feinstein from MANY years ago!), bouillabaisse (DH's Italian version), Italian bread and salad.  Desserts supplied by our friends!

Tomorrow our neighbors will come for beef tenderloin with piquant sauce, roasted potatoes, broccoli, and whatever dessert John brings!  And then when we visit our other daughter and family next week, we will have our traditional French Christmas meal of escargots, beef fondue with three sauces, and maybe mousse au chocolat.  We've been having this meal at Christmas ever since we visited our French family in December of 1982 (or was it 1980?)

This is the first time in all the years of my marriage (too many to count!) that I have barely decorated the house (sign of depression?): no tree, only a very few things out, and no interest in decorating.  I put all the Byers Choice dolls on the mantel in a lighted garland, so that is where we will open our gifts tomorrow morning.  It will be a Christmas like no other!

But TODAY I hope will change something in my life.  Two hours from now, our dog trainer will be here for the beginning of the last-ditch effort to get Griff in line, for I have reached the end of my rope.  He is so out of control that I feel I can't have people visit; I need to know when someone is coming over so I can crate him in advance; when people do come in - even perfect strangers - he gets terribly excited and zooms all over the furniture, jumping from one piece to another and in people's faces.  There is so much more. On the other hand, he is extremely lazy - I came to the conclusion the other day that he must be bi-polar.  I wonder if that is possible in a dog?  Anyway....my hope is that we can get this reversed in three months, or it's a him or me story!  No kidding!

So....I wish all of you the best Christmas ever!  Let us not forget our servicemen and women serving far away from their families and whose lives have been so uprooted and who serve to protect us.  PEACE TO ALL OF YOU!